i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
