so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
