i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
