I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
