Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
