While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
