I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize