Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
