I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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