You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Im part way to drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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