you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
