He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
