"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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