I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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