Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
