One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
