Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
