I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
