now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
