I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
