We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
