chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
