take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
