Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
