I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
