I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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