I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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