quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
