We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
