I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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