im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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