Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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