dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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