This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
