Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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