Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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