..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
