After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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