Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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