Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
