Sponge bath it is.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
