Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
