i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize