sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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