even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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