I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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