i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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