Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
