if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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