"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
