She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
