After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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