it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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