so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
