After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
