I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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