You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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