I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
