I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Floor bacon is actually really good
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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