I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
