I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize