How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
