You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize