where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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