I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
