They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
