I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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