I'm eating all of the evidence.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
