someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
