Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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