if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think i got beer on your cat.
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