The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
