u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
