Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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