Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
zippers are such a cool invention
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
