I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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